I am finally sitting down to start on my first assignment. Right. I'm writing here instead. Well, at the very least, I drank my cuppa Joe and am now focused enough to do the reading I need to do before I attempt to put any word on paper. I'm scared senseless. I know very well I do not master the English language to the level I would if I had been speaking it since birth, and my knowledge of French is now... well... pitiful. I'm scared!
This is not the only thing to scare me these days: I also want to be done with babies, but every time I get to that conclusion, hell breaks loose and something comes on my path to remind me that I do want one more. At the very least, now I know I do not want 5 children, but I do not want to have that lingering desire for one more child while my husband is firmly against it! Honestly, I do not believe in signs, but if there was any such thing, it would probably look something like what is going on. I can only retell the last two incident, because I can't accurately remember the previous ones, but the idea is the same, every time I decided I was done having kids, something popped in my way!
So last week, I was so done having kids for a few hours, and I was fine with that conclusion. I went shopping for a new pair of pants, but had to apologize to the saleslady, because it is difficult for me to find something that fits well, and with 3 restless children in tow, it is not an easy task. She answered "Oh, I understand! I am one of 6 children myself!", then she went on about how great it was to be part of a large family. *sigh* Of course, my resolution to have no more babies crumbled to nothing. Again.
Yesterday, I was at the same point, convinced that I would be happy with only the three wonderful children I have, then I remembered a dream I had as a teenager, something about a parcel that was meant to go to Leonardo Leo, an 18th century Neapolitan composer. At the time, little was available online about him, so I decided to google him last night. Try that for fun! Since Leonardo is the name Luca wants to give a potential baby brother, you can imagine how my jaw dropped... and the thought of baby wormed its way through my mind. It didn't help to learn that I am going to be an auntie to a baby boy. Now I am doubting it all again.
I just hope I can wrap my mind around the concept of being done conceiving babies soon, because this emotional roller coaster makes me miserable!
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2 comments:
You drink coffee now? Hmmm didn't remember that from you! So want more babies huh? Got no comment on that for you: it's easier to tell someone to have more when I'm not the one dealing with them after, LOL! Remember you told me a few days ago you would like Rosa to be your baby a little while longer? Well... you do what you want with that: hope it helps!
As for university, lol, welcome to the world of procrastination! You now have to read those comics (see link below). They will give you really good reasons to procrastinate: that's the life of a student! LOL. Asaathi introduced me to those. Gotta love them!
http://www.phdcomics.com/comics.php
I have started experimenting with caffeine, but I usually stick to a mix of coffee and hot chocolate, since the taste of coffee is so foul to my palate. Unfortunately, I realized that instead of allowing me to stay up a little longer to deal with a few chores, coffee puts me to sleep, even if I take it early in the day. Silly, isn't it? But dosed properly, it gives me an hour or so of feeling more calm and focused, allowing me to read or work. ;)
As for babies, it is a very complex situation, but briefly, I will not entertain the idea seriously until my baby is much closer to being 2 years old. At the moment, I am a much better mother than I would be pregnant. There are very many variables in the equation, but that would be the subject for a very lengthy post, or more appropriately, e-mail lol.
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